Hi everyone,
so here it is, the first chapter/Prologue/Introduction, let me know what you think.
The captain and his mate
It was a balmy summer’s eve and Raymond Figg sat on the edge of the pier, legs dangling over the side, staring at his kneecaps, deep in thought. The very same pier he used to visit with his dad when he was just a boy; the very same spot where he and his dad had spent many an afternoon watching the boats hoist their sails as they made their way out to sea. One day we will have our own boat, Raymond’s dad used to say, you and me, son, the captain and his mate.
Raymond allowed a smile to escape his lips as he remembered those afternoons; they seemed so long ago now, like they belonged to someone else. They dreamed big dreams on that pier, Raymond and his dad. The world, it had seemed, was a place full of magic where anything was possible: a world where Raymond had felt 10 feet tall. No matter where or what you are in life, his father would say, the only things you need are dreams, faith and a kind heart and you will do great things, my beautiful son.
Raymond could feel a lump begin to form in his throat. He lifted his head and scanned the marina looking for the boat that his dad had loved so much, an old fashioned thing that looked like a mini-pirate boat. We’ll buy one just like that one, son, his dad used to say, can you draw it for me? We’ll need the drawings when we build it. But Raymond could not see the boat, not that he expected to, so much had changed since he was a boy.
A lone seagull landed next to Raymond on the pier. They never did get to build the boat of their dreams, he and his dad. As Raymond approached his 9th birthday, the visits to the pier became more and more infrequent. And when they did visit, his dad spent a lot of time just staring at nothing. If he did speak, he would repeat the same words over and over, Raymond, he would say, promise me something, remember how I told you to have faith, have faith in this, if ever your mind is troubled then come sit by the sea, you may not be able to see me, but I will always be here and you can talk to me. And I promise I will be listening.
The lump in Raymond’s throat had turned into a ball, his eyes began to moisten and his chest felt as though it was held firm in a tight clamp. He had not cried since he was 9 years old and he fought it. Coming to the pier was not such a good idea. Everything he’d read told him he must confront the past if he was to heal and grow, but all could feel as he sat on that pier was pain. He turned to the seagull and shouted, “He is not here is he? He’s not anywhere. He’s gone! No more dreams. Its all gone!”
The seagull, used to such vitriolic tirades, flapped its wings slowly but stood firm in a brazen show of courage and hope. “Piss off,” Raymond shouted at it and then stood. I came dad, he thought, just like you said, but I’m not coming again. He turned to walk back down the pier, back to his car, back to his home, but found his way barred by promenaders who had come to a standstill, staring at him with their mouths agape. So Raymond turned and walked the other way, towards the sea; the sea that his dad had loved so much. The seagull, bless his hardy soul, followed.
Joe.
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3 comments:
Like the prologue. Very different from the first couple of beginnings I've read and I think an improvement. Lots of things to think about regarding Raymond, his Dad and what happened around his 9th Birthday.
Just one question. From a grammatical perspective should conversation (even as in this case self-speak) have inverted commas around it? Not sure it looks right without them.
A beautiful and touching start, to a story I'm really looking forward to reading the rest of! Thank you for sharing!
A thought that came to mind (maybe obviously) was disillusionment. What I'm thinking of specifically is that we are often told (at least the lucky ones of us who have family and friends that love you for who you are, not your career or your academic achievements) that if we have dreams and faith and if we believe in ourselves we can do anything. And this seems so limitless. But most of us realise at some point that there are limits to what we can achieve. And yes, some of it probably has to do with your attitude and persistence, but sometimes it's just not enough. Don't get me wrong, I love my parents for telling me that I am capable of greatness and that I can do whatever I put my mind to. But when it comes down to it, it's not strictly speaking true, is it? Or maybe I'm just still upset about my grade. ;)
Hey Rocky,
thanks for the feedback. A lot of grammar is a question of style, and grammatical styles change as much and as quickly as fashion. I have read many authors who don't use inverted commas at all, but these guys a very famous and can basically use any writing constructs and get away with it because they sell.
In my case, I like to go without inverted commas for self-speak, I like the way it does not distract the reader on the page. But rest assured, I will go back to the more traditional " " when we hit dialogue.
regards,
Joe.
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